


commit to memory

by thegothgal



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff, Jedi Code (Star Wars), M/M, Miscommunication, Shadow of Revan, lovable dumb boys being lovable and dumb, oc: kaizen amhi, theron shan is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 12:18:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18691369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegothgal/pseuds/thegothgal
Summary: With the Revanite crisis resolved, Theron Shan returns to the usual work as an SIS agent, and Kaizen Amhi takes to his new role as the Jedi Battlemaster. But just when Theron thinks that everything has returned to the norm, he receives a call to meet at a neutral location.





	commit to memory

**Author's Note:**

> [cross-posted with my tumblr](https://micaldisciple.tumblr.com/post/184615954891/commit-to-memory-thegothgal-star-wars-all)
> 
> this is a little snippet about my canon jedi knight, kaizen amhi, and theron shan in their developing relationship as I try to hammer out my swtor canon for the fic 'verse. feel free to [come say hey](https://micaldisciple.tumblr.com) if y'all want and check out [this amazing art](https://micaldisciple.tumblr.com/post/184367089701/glad-to-see-youre-still-in-one-piece-well) by my lovely friend [ana](https://anakliro.tumblr.com) that I commissioned for this piece!
> 
> cw: references to sex in the past, spoilers for the _shadow of revan_ plotline

The Promenade was a little busier than Theron was used to seeing. Not that he was on Nar Shaddaa too often, given that it was technically other agents’ territory, but it was neutral ground. That meant he could meet with a certain Jedi who he had been running an op with for several months without any eyes on them. Except that Kai was close to an hour late, according to the chrono, and he was starting to wonder if the crowds of people were blocking him from sight.

Or if he had been stood up.

Neither of them had actually discussed what they were doing. The secretive op on Rishi had been long and isolated, and after a stint of dancing around the obvious attraction, they had started sleeping with each other to let out some of the stress. Maybe even for the hell of it. But the more that it happened, the more that Theron realized he cared about him, and that was terrifying. Kai was a Jedi and Theron was a spy. He tried to ignore it when the op was done and threw himself back into work, but so far, his feelings hadn’t faded. And then Kai had called to ask to meet with him.

So, Theron was waiting for him. He doubted that Kai would actually stand him up, knowing him well enough after the last few months to be pretty sure of that, but it didn’t stop the nagging voice in the back of his mind from telling him that something was wrong. Maybe he changed his mind about meeting and planned to break things off via message instead. Maybe he got summoned for Jedi business somewhere else. Maybe something far more unthinkable had happened. After all, the galaxy was at war, and Kai was one of the Republic’s best Jedi at the forefront of all of it.

“Theron!”

At the sound of his name, Theron turned away from the balustrade that he had been leaning his forearms on for a while now. He spotted a familiar green, tattooed face above a small group before Kai managed to slip past the bodies to reach him. He came to a stop at Theron’s side, grabbing the upper rail with one hand to catch himself, and his chest heaved and tendrils of hair spilled into his violet eyes as if he actually ran the entire way from the taxi platform.

“I’m so sorry.” Kai tried to tidy the mess of dark waves on his head, the piercings that lined his ear catching the glow from a nearby holosign as he shifted. “I got here on time, but I’ve been getting lectured for the better part of an hour now.”

Theron’s brow furrowed. “Lectured by who?”

“Scourge.” Kai leaned an elbow against the balustrade, facing him. “‘Heed my warnings, Kaizen. Stop squandering your talents and falling for pathetic distractions, Kaizen. Finish what you started, Kaizen.’” He closed his eyes long enough to draw in a deep breath. “He’s been more intense since Yavin, not that I blame him, but I can’t take another second of it. Not right now.”

A flicker of irritation struck Theron at the insinuation behind Scourge’s words, knowing exactly what the asshole meant by _pathetic distractions_. More than that, Theron was annoyed that he seemed to expect Kai to do nothing but search for the revived Emperor, but he let it go. Kai could handle it. He knew what he was doing, and besides, Theron had been doing his own part in the search. If a lead had turned out solid, he would’ve contacted him.

“Anyways,” Kai continued, flashing him a lopsided grin. “Glad to see you’re still in one piece.”

“Well, some guy I know said it was a good look on me, so I thought I’d give it a try.”

“Some guy, huh?”

Theron smirked. “Yeah. Captain of the Red Hulls, real tough guy. Has a soft spot for spies in hiding, though. Maybe you’ve heard of him?”

A laugh bubbled out of Kai before he even finished. “Sounds familiar, yeah.”

As he pressed closer, Theron took a moment to look at him. His violet eyes were bright with amusement and lined in kohl, but the area beneath them were darkened from exhaustion, almost as if he had hardly been sleeping. After seeing how Kai had reacted when Vitiate made his grand reappearance on Yavin IV, he could understand. But the rest of him was disguised as any other spacer, wearing a cropped black tee under a leatheris jacket instead of a tunic, and buckled boots instead of his armored ones. His lightsabers weren’t clipped to his belt as usual, though they were probably hidden inside his jacket if Theron had to guess.

His thoughts careened to a halt as Kai leaned into him. Theron ignored his own racing pulse, caught between wanting to close the gap between them and trying to keep himself from getting sucked back into this thing. He knew better than to get attached to a Jedi. But then Kai was studying him, his head angled as if he wanted to kiss him but was waiting for permission, so close that Theron could smell the faint traces of his aftershave.

“So,” Theron began, glancing around the Promenade square before meeting his gaze again. “I was thinking we could get some food, catch up a bit?”

Disappointment flickered across his features, but Kai smoothed it into a soft smile, easing back from him. “Yeah. Sounds like a plan.”

For as seedy as Nar Shaddaa was, it had a variety of options for food, thanks to the numerous cultures of the species that inhabited and visited it. They found a vendor in the nearby market with street food and cold beer that was probably cheaper and higher quality than any of the local cantinas. They sat on a close bench to eat, watching the crowds of people drifting between the market stalls and catching up on what they had been up to since they had left Yavin IV.

The search for the denounced Sith Emperor went without saying, but Theron told him the funnier, non-classified details of some of his latest ops, and Kai talked about some of the padawans that he had been teaching. Apparently, the Battlemaster of the Order had fallen victim to clumsy padawans and their training blades more than once recently. From the way that he lit up as he spoke, it seemed like his new role suited him more than anything else that he had done as a Jedi over the past few years, and Theron found himself grinning at Kai’s laughter at his own stories.

Afterward, they wandered around the rest of the Promenade until they got bored of it. Neither of them were really up for drinks at any of the cantinas or clubs, and Theron could tell that Kai was beginning to get a sensory overload with all the lights, noises, and people around them, so he started leading him to the SIS safe house where he had been staying for the last couple of nights.

On its exterior, it was just a storefront, but the SIS had converted it into a discreet location to run ops from the back. Boxes of unshelved tech littered the floor and scorch marks spotted the walls and counter as they passed through the shop. When they reached the hidden entry to the safe house, Theron keyed in his code, then aligned his face into the retina scan for clearance. The red light took a moment before it turned green, but the door hissed open for them.

Theron cringed as he realized that the inside was probably a bit of a mess. The caf table was covered in cups and takeout boxes, left in the aftermath of the previous night’s intel skimming. Various devices and cords and his slicing kit were also scattered around the room. The bedroom was still tidy, though he wasn’t sure why that would matter. He started to turn around to apologize and found Kai hovering at the entrance with his hands shoved in his pockets.

“You okay?” Theron asked, already feeling his pulse speeding up again. He tried not to focus on the dread— _this is it, he’s going to end it now_ —creeping under his skin. “You’re looking a little spooked.”

Kai hesitated. “Did I push this on you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Today. This, all of it.”

“No, of course not.” Theron frowned. “Why would you think that?”

A confused pinch formed on Kai’s brow. “I haven’t heard from you in a long time, Theron. And then earlier… I don’t know. If you’re not interested anymore, I get it. I just don’t want to pressure you here.”

“What? I— No.” Theron rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I was bracing for an inevitable ‘hey, sleeping with you was fun and all, but I’ve got to get back to Jedi business’ conversation. Or avoiding it, really.”

“I know I’m supposed to say that. I wasn’t planning to, though.”

Hells, Theron was an idiot. He hadn’t thought about how it would seem if he never reached out to him, despite having his frequency saved. He took it for granted that his relationships never lasted. He just assumed that Kai would move on after Yavin IV, so he should, too. And backing out of kissing him had been another stupid self-defense mechanism in the face of that possibility that had apparently made Kai even more self-conscious about where they stood.

“I’m going to be honest for a minute.” Kai flexed his hands at his sides, a nervous tick that Theron had grown familiar with over their op. “I’ve, uh, done the casual sex thing. Obviously. But I’ve never… been in a relationship, or had to deal with my own feelings for someone, so this is new for me.” His eyes briefly widened. “Not that I’m assuming this is a relationship. I just… I like you, Theron. I care about you. A lot.”

Theron folded his arms over his chest, though it felt more like he was holding himself. “What about the Jedi thing?”

“I’ve… known a pair of Jedi who are together. I chose to keep their secret.” Kai had been toeing at a stain in the carpet with his boot, but he looked up again. “It made me question things when I found out about them and I decided that I disagreed with the Council’s stance. And then I met you.”

That was a lot to process. Needing a minute, Theron shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it on a chair and moving further into the living space. Kai followed him and took a seat on the curved couch. He stayed quiet after that, letting Theron sort through his thoughts, which he appreciated. He liked to think that he was quick on his feet, but this had thrown him.

For his whole life, Theron had grown used to people placing him lower on their list of priorities. Satele had chosen the Order over him. Master Zho had raised him, but he had ditched him once he realized that the Force was never going to manifest in him. Jace hadn’t known about him in the past, but Theron had already been an adult with his own life once he had, and he was too preoccupied with the war anyway. But now here was this man who was arguably the Republic’s greatest Jedi in maybe a few centuries, admitting that he would choose to keep seeing Theron despite his oaths.

“So, what are you suggesting?” Theron asked, pausing from pacing in front of the couch to face him. “We keep seeing each other?”

Kai leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “If you feel the same. We can take things slow, or you know, whatever. Just see where it goes.”

Relationships tended to fall apart for Theron, given the nature of his job and his own struggles as a person. Communication would be few and far between, especially if he was undercover. Kai would have to hide it so he wouldn’t be kicked out of the Order for breaking one of their biggest rules. And arranging a time to meet this time had been hard enough, so he didn’t see their schedules lining up any easier. But if anyone was equipped to handle that, he guessed, it would be a Jedi and a spy.

“You know what? Yeah. Okay.”

A tentative smile spread over Kai’s face. “Yeah?”

“Throwing caution to the wind.”

“So, can I kiss you now?”

Theron gave him a flippant smirk as he approached the couch. He rested his knee on the cushion, flush against Kai’s thigh, and curled a hand around the base of his neck. Kai surged up to meet him, balling a fist in his shirt to pull him close. Theron tried to shift for a better angle, but their noses bumped together as Kai leaned back against the couch, nearly tugging him onto his lap. They broke apart in a breathless laugh before trying it again.

The kiss worked much better the second time. At some point, Theron had lost track of time, letting himself get absorbed in Kai and his callused hands slipping under his shirt and over his too warm skin. He had missed being with him. After another few moments, though, he pulled away to look at him, amused by Kai’s soft whine in protest when he did.

“In case I didn’t say it,” Theron began, “I care about you, too.”

“You didn’t, but I think I got the idea. Still nice to hear.”

“Thought so.”

Kai beamed. That boyish grin aimed at him—because of him—sent so much fondness rushing through Theron and he had no idea what to do about it. He was a grown man, and a fully trained intelligence agent, but he felt more like some starry-eyed teenager. He wondered what he had done to earn this sort of thing for once. But whatever happened after this, however else things turned out for them, he at least wanted to commit this to his memory as one he didn’t regret.


End file.
